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Tennantm

A Beef Monkey, with a typical teleportation device on Gallifrey.

Monkey

Stare into the eyes of Mighty Imoteph

Beemonkism is the belief in a God known as Imoteph, an Egyptian God in Monkey Form. [1] The Beefmonkey rules over those who are prepared to eat ham and beef so that rules out Jews, Hindus and vegetarians.

This is considered heretical by some

Those who reject ham and beef and therefore reject the Beefmonkey god may still pray to a Jug of Milk and there is even the Carton of Soy Milk for those who fail to drink cow's milk. Beemonkism is part of the Religion of the Nutrients. This is a polytheistic religion and so far three gods/goddesses have revealed themselves to those who have faith.

Creation

Mh

A monkey minion of the Great Beef

Imoteph and the Beef Monkeys were created by themselves on the planet of Gallifrey, they were ancestors of the Time Lords, the mightiest and most knowledgeable beings who have ever existed, who had control of the TARDIS time machines. Imoteph later moved to Earth because of housing problems and took refuge in Egypt.

Powers

  • Power of Flight
  • Time Manipulation
  • Teleportation
  • Human Flesh-to-beef conversion

All the above is self evident to those of faith though others may have trouble finding evidence for any of it.

Ways to destroy a Beef Monkey minion

  • Call upon God. (Might not work)
  • Do nothing.
  • Stab it with Yggdrasill's knife of everlasting gibbon.
  • Wake up, you're hallucinating. Beef Monkeys aren't real...
  • Throw some Anti-matter at it. (This will kill you also, as well as the entire world)

See also

Footnotes

  1. A Beef Monkey is its real form, and they have the power to jump on people's heads; instantly killing them. If their religion is rejected they have the power to destroy the cosmic horizon.

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